Thursday, October 19, 2006
refresh my heart
ok, it's been a while since i last blogged, but so much things have happened... physical, mental, and spiritual, at least for me...
and well, i guess this post is dedicated to God, as a testomony of who He is.
Just last night, i went down to church for PI night... and as usual, i was early, partly cos my family went to pick my dad from the airport and had dinner together before my dad gave me a lift to church, but anyways, yah, i was early, and i had some coffee and did some stuff like filling my bottle and so on before i actually settled down to prepare myself for the time of prayer.
Just as i settled down, and quietened my heart, thoughts about me being a leader just flashed pass... and when i say leader, i don't mean it like when i was serving in Z1 or even before that, but just in general, leadership, be it from DL times, when i was a group leader during the JSP camp, or the times i took up leadership as an assistant leader for my ushering team, or during the days of my first SP course or the days when i was group leader in the camp "Running After You" and so many other times of such moments of me being a leader just flashed past my mind.
To most of you, it might seem like the "good old glorious days", but no, it wasn't... and as the images flashed across my mind, there was this voice saying, "Look carefully... everytime you were a leader, something went wrong... and if you observe even closer, it's YOUR fault." In all honesty, those times were really my fault... i won't tell you what went wrong during each of those times, but people who were knew me or was with me would know what i mean.
So there i was, sitting in my chair, thinking to myself, "Leadership is about influencing others, not being influenced. And in order to be a good leader, one must be able to influence others in the good ways, not the bad." Honestly, I have always been afraid of leadership because, i'm afraid i'll screw up (pardon me for my blatant use of words for my lack in vocab).
So yah, there i was sitting in the chapel with all sorts of random remark flying across my head, and then, Pastor Peter came in and we started PI night with free-flowing in worship, and i just said, "Lord, take captive every thought that is not of You. Lord, take captive every single thought in my mind which does not belong to You. Lord, re-affirm what you've called me to be for I am afraid." And from there, i just started singing in tongues and i wanted to build my own faith and prepare myself once again.
Then, Pastor Peter asked us to pair up and pray for the church, basically, if i rmb correctly, it was sort of a continuation from last week. So i paired up with this guy called Jeremy, and we started praying for the church. we prayed a few times each before we sort of stopped to wait for further instructions, then he asked me if he could pray for me, so by all means, i said ok. And what happened next was just mind blowing... in general, he told me that God was going to use me to influence others, which to me, was God's re-affirmation that He has chosen me and annointed me, which in other word, God just answered my prayer in less than an hour!!! which was amazing!!! then after that, Pastor Peter called for prayer for those who felt discouraged, and i lifted my hand in response, and God again, just came and refreshed me from the inside out, and i was just so refreshed, re-energized, and it was great.
I really thank God for this breakthrough again. He has never failed me nor forsakened me though i might have failed many times, but God was always there to pick me up. Praise the Lord. =)
and well, i guess this post is dedicated to God, as a testomony of who He is.
Just last night, i went down to church for PI night... and as usual, i was early, partly cos my family went to pick my dad from the airport and had dinner together before my dad gave me a lift to church, but anyways, yah, i was early, and i had some coffee and did some stuff like filling my bottle and so on before i actually settled down to prepare myself for the time of prayer.
Just as i settled down, and quietened my heart, thoughts about me being a leader just flashed pass... and when i say leader, i don't mean it like when i was serving in Z1 or even before that, but just in general, leadership, be it from DL times, when i was a group leader during the JSP camp, or the times i took up leadership as an assistant leader for my ushering team, or during the days of my first SP course or the days when i was group leader in the camp "Running After You" and so many other times of such moments of me being a leader just flashed past my mind.
To most of you, it might seem like the "good old glorious days", but no, it wasn't... and as the images flashed across my mind, there was this voice saying, "Look carefully... everytime you were a leader, something went wrong... and if you observe even closer, it's YOUR fault." In all honesty, those times were really my fault... i won't tell you what went wrong during each of those times, but people who were knew me or was with me would know what i mean.
So there i was, sitting in my chair, thinking to myself, "Leadership is about influencing others, not being influenced. And in order to be a good leader, one must be able to influence others in the good ways, not the bad." Honestly, I have always been afraid of leadership because, i'm afraid i'll screw up (pardon me for my blatant use of words for my lack in vocab).
So yah, there i was sitting in the chapel with all sorts of random remark flying across my head, and then, Pastor Peter came in and we started PI night with free-flowing in worship, and i just said, "Lord, take captive every thought that is not of You. Lord, take captive every single thought in my mind which does not belong to You. Lord, re-affirm what you've called me to be for I am afraid." And from there, i just started singing in tongues and i wanted to build my own faith and prepare myself once again.
Then, Pastor Peter asked us to pair up and pray for the church, basically, if i rmb correctly, it was sort of a continuation from last week. So i paired up with this guy called Jeremy, and we started praying for the church. we prayed a few times each before we sort of stopped to wait for further instructions, then he asked me if he could pray for me, so by all means, i said ok. And what happened next was just mind blowing... in general, he told me that God was going to use me to influence others, which to me, was God's re-affirmation that He has chosen me and annointed me, which in other word, God just answered my prayer in less than an hour!!! which was amazing!!! then after that, Pastor Peter called for prayer for those who felt discouraged, and i lifted my hand in response, and God again, just came and refreshed me from the inside out, and i was just so refreshed, re-energized, and it was great.
I really thank God for this breakthrough again. He has never failed me nor forsakened me though i might have failed many times, but God was always there to pick me up. Praise the Lord. =)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
back to the basics...
it's so true that one can be caught up with so much stuff that we forget about our basics... i have to admit that i had also just pushed the basics aside, until just a while ago... i was surfing the net and i came across this sharing...
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28
So basically, it speaks about the love the Lord has for you. The love He showers upon you because you are His beloved child, each and everyone of you. He is so willing to give you rest. To just take that burden off you. But think about it, have you been turning to Him for rest? And are you willing to do so? Have you been keeping them all to yourself, locking that burden-filled heart of yours?
Never, and I mean never keep them to yourselves. Because one day, you'll realise that at some point of time, you will die. Not literally, but die as in reach break point, when you feel so drained and you dont have that will to carry on lving any longer...
I cant deny the fact that I was like that. I kept things to myself, and never liked opening up to anyone. Keeping the burdens buried deep, deep within... I didnt ever turn to God for rest and it was what i should have done. That was my past. Dont let that happen to you, ever. For you will defnitely regret it when you start flipping back on the pages of your life.
Friends casn help us through a period of time in your life when you are burdened and tired and need help. Yes they can but you wont feel totally at ease and neither will you feel that the burden has totally been lifted off your chest. Because it hasnt and wont ever be. Because only God can give you that peace in your heart that you desire so much. He's the only one that can give you rest. So turn to him... turn to him for rest.
So before I end this, just a short reminder that when you depend on God for strength, when you give him the burdens of your heart, when you seek him and find refuge in him, you'll realise that life would be so much more less hectic and tiring than it was before.
This is a short sharing, but I hope that you've learnt something from it.
His love is yours to keep.
-****
when i read this, it served as a huge reminder to me. no doubt it's basics, but i needed it, i guess...
God, bring me back to the place of totally reliance on You.
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28
So basically, it speaks about the love the Lord has for you. The love He showers upon you because you are His beloved child, each and everyone of you. He is so willing to give you rest. To just take that burden off you. But think about it, have you been turning to Him for rest? And are you willing to do so? Have you been keeping them all to yourself, locking that burden-filled heart of yours?
Never, and I mean never keep them to yourselves. Because one day, you'll realise that at some point of time, you will die. Not literally, but die as in reach break point, when you feel so drained and you dont have that will to carry on lving any longer...
I cant deny the fact that I was like that. I kept things to myself, and never liked opening up to anyone. Keeping the burdens buried deep, deep within... I didnt ever turn to God for rest and it was what i should have done. That was my past. Dont let that happen to you, ever. For you will defnitely regret it when you start flipping back on the pages of your life.
Friends casn help us through a period of time in your life when you are burdened and tired and need help. Yes they can but you wont feel totally at ease and neither will you feel that the burden has totally been lifted off your chest. Because it hasnt and wont ever be. Because only God can give you that peace in your heart that you desire so much. He's the only one that can give you rest. So turn to him... turn to him for rest.
So before I end this, just a short reminder that when you depend on God for strength, when you give him the burdens of your heart, when you seek him and find refuge in him, you'll realise that life would be so much more less hectic and tiring than it was before.
This is a short sharing, but I hope that you've learnt something from it.
His love is yours to keep.
-****
when i read this, it served as a huge reminder to me. no doubt it's basics, but i needed it, i guess...
God, bring me back to the place of totally reliance on You.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
MY birthday...
i FINALLY received my birthday card!!! yay!!! hahaa... thanks to those who wrote in it... not many pple, but still, a bunch of special pple... =) and thanks to YOU who brought it and passed it to me... =) THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH...
